Recognition Certificates

What program do instructors use to print off certificates? Im doing my year end portfolio and i took a food hygyne course and the teacher says i need it but my dad was cleaning off the shelf and threw it out but the teacher knew i took iy (she set it up for me) so i just eed one to put in my portfolio do you know the program most commonly used is called thanks :)

certificate for a good teacher? someone can tell me where to find a page to download a good teacher certificate and print it or write a text and I will do it. it is for tomorrow

Where and how can I download the teacher assistant level III certificate for New York state? Can you give me the link that gives the teacher assistant level III certificate in PDF file so I can download it and print it? This is for New York State, remember.

Homework help? WW1 documents such as death certificates etc. read inside for more info? I have a project where I have to do a shoebox or soldier's belongings that have been send to his family after he died. At school the teacher had loads of sheets of paper with blank death certificates, these postcard things that you would send to your family if you were injured but you could only circle stuff that was there and no extra information at all was allowed, instruction cards on how to speak easy french and how to clean your rifle. These had ran out so I never got any of the sheets but the teacher must have gotten them from the internet because it was the real things that had been printed out and they were blank. Anyone have any links to sites that have them? I already searched but was not successful. Thanks

With a hyphenated last name..? When I should use my last name (which is long and hyphenated) for doing things like making usernames, registering on websites, or having to use my last name but shortened for the requirements--should I use the first or second part? For example, at school when we had an assembly in the gymnasium with the entire school, our homeroom teachers gave certificates to the students who got a higher grade average. I was one of them, but my teacher only read out the first part of my last name. It was printed like so on the certificate as well. I guess my name was too long ? I know my parents didn't choose to have it shortened at school.. they would kill me if I even TRIED to change my last name..just how they are. Is that still right of them, and considered my identity if I use either the first or second part of my last name for things?

Government help! PLEASE!?!? I know this seems like alot, but it's not compaired to the rest of the test, and I have a learning disability, I find it difficult to find answers or learn if things aren't worded exactly the same as the question. So please help. =[ 6. This national convention committee writes the party's statement of beliefs. (1 point) credentials committee rules committee committee on permanent organization platform committee 7. This is vital for the success of American democracy. (1 point) literacy tests poll tax voting PACs 8. This gave African American males the right to vote. (1 point) Fifteenth Amendment Twenty-sixth Amendment Nineteenth Amendment Twenty-first Amendment 9. The fourth branch of government is (1 point) the electronic media. the print media. the mass media. the wire services. 10. This is the protector of the rights of the mass media. (1 point) League of Women voters First Amendment Federal Communications Commission Telecommunications Commission 11. Controlling money to influence the economy is called (1 point) reconciliation. reserve requirement. monetary policy. fiscal policy. 12. These are the federal government's financial instruments, such as bonds, notes, and certificates. (1 point) securities entitlements discount rates uncontrollables 13. The banker's bank of the United States is the (1 point) OMB. CBO. IRS. Fed. 14. The United States's largest entitlement program is (1 point) the discount tax rate. Social Security. the tax credit program. the tax loophole program. 15. This is an EPA responsibility. (1 point) clean environment securities exchange mass transit systems public health 16. Negotiating labor contracts is called (1 point) injunctions. urban renewal. collective bargaining. developing trusts. 17. This is NOT a function of a state constitution. (1 point) appoints officials outlines methods of election creates the structure of government provides for separation of powers 18. This is part of the state constitution amendment process. (1 point) judicial review extradition mandates proposal and ratification 19. A two-chambered state legislature (1 point) is unicameral. is bicameral. has the same number in both houses. is half Republican and half Democrat. 20. The executive branch of the state is headed by the (1 point) speaker of the house. lieutenant governor. attorney general. governor. 21. This promotes economic growth in cities. (1 point) revitalization incorporation assessment town meetings 22. The ability of nations to develop economically while at the same time protecting the environment is called (1 point) equilibrium. human rights. sustainable development. positive rights. 23. To have democracy, South Africa had to overcome (1 point) apartheid. the shah. the EU. NATO. 24. An economic system with a central authority is called a (1 point) mixed system. traditional system. command system. market system. 25. This is the opposite of competition. (1 point) monopoly oligarchy apartheid economic sanctions 26. Because society does not have all the resources that everyone wants, this exists. (1 point) comparative advantage scarcity nationalization free trade agreements 27. Risk takers who produce goods and services in search of profit are (1 point) entrepreneurs. a monopoly. trading blocs. factors of production. 15 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. Additional Details I did try my book, and other internet sources, and could not find these answers. Teachers are un-askable because it's an online school, and they sometimes don't even check their e-mails because they're tards.

GOVERNMENT!? NEED HELP!?!? I know this seems like alot, but it's not compaired to the rest of the test, and I have a learning disability, I find it difficult to find answers or learn if things aren't worded exactly the same as the question. So please help. =[ 6. This national convention committee writes the party's statement of beliefs. (1 point) credentials committee rules committee committee on permanent organization platform committee 7. This is vital for the success of American democracy. (1 point) literacy tests poll tax voting PACs 8. This gave African American males the right to vote. (1 point) Fifteenth Amendment Twenty-sixth Amendment Nineteenth Amendment Twenty-first Amendment 9. The fourth branch of government is (1 point) the electronic media. the print media. the mass media. the wire services. 10. This is the protector of the rights of the mass media. (1 point) League of Women voters First Amendment Federal Communications Commission Telecommunications Commission 11. Controlling money to influence the economy is called (1 point) reconciliation. reserve requirement. monetary policy. fiscal policy. 12. These are the federal government's financial instruments, such as bonds, notes, and certificates. (1 point) securities entitlements discount rates uncontrollables 13. The banker's bank of the United States is the (1 point) OMB. CBO. IRS. Fed. 14. The United States's largest entitlement program is (1 point) the discount tax rate. Social Security. the tax credit program. the tax loophole program. 15. This is an EPA responsibility. (1 point) clean environment securities exchange mass transit systems public health 16. Negotiating labor contracts is called (1 point) injunctions. urban renewal. collective bargaining. developing trusts. 17. This is NOT a function of a state constitution. (1 point) appoints officials outlines methods of election creates the structure of government provides for separation of powers 18. This is part of the state constitution amendment process. (1 point) judicial review extradition mandates proposal and ratification 19. A two-chambered state legislature (1 point) is unicameral. is bicameral. has the same number in both houses. is half Republican and half Democrat. 20. The executive branch of the state is headed by the (1 point) speaker of the house. lieutenant governor. attorney general. governor. 21. This promotes economic growth in cities. (1 point) revitalization incorporation assessment town meetings 22. The ability of nations to develop economically while at the same time protecting the environment is called (1 point) equilibrium. human rights. sustainable development. positive rights. 23. To have democracy, South Africa had to overcome (1 point) apartheid. the shah. the EU. NATO. 24. An economic system with a central authority is called a (1 point) mixed system. traditional system. command system. market system. 25. This is the opposite of competition. (1 point) monopoly oligarchy apartheid economic sanctions 26. Because society does not have all the resources that everyone wants, this exists. (1 point) comparative advantage scarcity nationalization free trade agreements 27. Risk takers who produce goods and services in search of profit are (1 point) entrepreneurs. a monopoly. trading blocs. factors of production. 15 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. Additional Details I did try my book, and other internet sources, and could not find these answers. Teachers are un-askable because it's an online school, and they sometimes don't even check their e-mails because they're tards.

help? government? having some trouble...? I know this seems like alot, but it's not compaired to the rest of the test, and I have a learning disability, I find it difficult to find answers or learn if things aren't worded exactly the same as the question. So please help. =[ 6. This national convention committee writes the party's statement of beliefs. (1 point) credentials committee rules committee committee on permanent organization platform committee 7. This is vital for the success of American democracy. (1 point) literacy tests poll tax voting PACs 8. This gave African American males the right to vote. (1 point) Fifteenth Amendment Twenty-sixth Amendment Nineteenth Amendment Twenty-first Amendment 9. The fourth branch of government is (1 point) the electronic media. the print media. the mass media. the wire services. 10. This is the protector of the rights of the mass media. (1 point) League of Women voters First Amendment Federal Communications Commission Telecommunications Commission 11. Controlling money to influence the economy is called (1 point) reconciliation. reserve requirement. monetary policy. fiscal policy. 12. These are the federal government's financial instruments, such as bonds, notes, and certificates. (1 point) securities entitlements discount rates uncontrollables 13. The banker's bank of the United States is the (1 point) OMB. CBO. IRS. Fed. 14. The United States's largest entitlement program is (1 point) the discount tax rate. Social Security. the tax credit program. the tax loophole program. 15. This is an EPA responsibility. (1 point) clean environment securities exchange mass transit systems public health 16. Negotiating labor contracts is called (1 point) injunctions. urban renewal. collective bargaining. developing trusts. 17. This is NOT a function of a state constitution. (1 point) appoints officials outlines methods of election creates the structure of government provides for separation of powers 18. This is part of the state constitution amendment process. (1 point) judicial review extradition mandates proposal and ratification 19. A two-chambered state legislature (1 point) is unicameral. is bicameral. has the same number in both houses. is half Republican and half Democrat. 20. The executive branch of the state is headed by the (1 point) speaker of the house. lieutenant governor. attorney general. governor. 21. This promotes economic growth in cities. (1 point) revitalization incorporation assessment town meetings 22. The ability of nations to develop economically while at the same time protecting the environment is called (1 point) equilibrium. human rights. sustainable development. positive rights. 23. To have democracy, South Africa had to overcome (1 point) apartheid. the shah. the EU. NATO. 24. An economic system with a central authority is called a (1 point) mixed system. traditional system. command system. market system. 25. This is the opposite of competition. (1 point) monopoly oligarchy apartheid economic sanctions 26. Because society does not have all the resources that everyone wants, this exists. (1 point) comparative advantage scarcity nationalization free trade agreements 27. Risk takers who produce goods and services in search of profit are (1 point) entrepreneurs. a monopoly. trading blocs. factors of production. 15 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. Additional Details I did try my book, and other internet sources, and could not find these answers. Teachers are un-askable because it's an online school, and they sometimes don't even check their e-mails because they're tards.

My exam results are hovering up and down like waves in the sea... Any advises? Please help? FOR THOSE WHO POSSESSES THE GOLD AND CARING HEART TO HELP ME: (thank you so much) READ HERE ----> Okey, I had been joining and preoccupied with soo many things this year. Busy, busy, busy! I participated in competitions, public speaking, chess tournaments, volunteer works like helping my friends with their science projects and if you know, chasing KUMON (an education institute/centre) medals... So far, I've achieved some pretty amazing things and oohhh earning certificates and two trophies! (all thesein just a year) I just can't resist the temptations... aahhh.... the thought of certificates and stuff just fills me with joy and satisfaction... Is this an addiction??? Gosh.... Anyway, my exams this year are much more frequent, about once a month and I feel like I'm always left behind... I was the top two for both years as for my final exams. I was second at 2007 and first at 2008. Btw, i'm in high school... I joined some stuff too during those two years... like drama, and some other school competitions, and yes, KUMON too... I'm soo sorry if I sound like a braggy and boasting person here... ): I just want you helpful guys to understand my situation... I gotta admit I'm a girl who is a bit boring and is lacking some self esteem... All those certificates with my name printed on it just fills me with pride and it gives me confidence.... My friends are often kind to me but they don't really like or enjoy hanging out with me for too long.... I have an arrogant and selfish friend, who cares only for herself, to me and i think that she befriends me solely because i often open up oppurtunities for her to join competitions and things and because i was a good academic student, rather much.... So when things go bad for me she often backs away... She is never there for me when I need her most and often is heavy hearted to help me when I need her help.. She some times take credits for my works too.... She thinks she's all that... But I think she's quite horrid... Or is it just me from your perspective? So, in my class, I do have a few admirers oftenly I see secretly spying and staring at me - and I don't like it so very much, though I'm quite flattered... i believe this is what they call puppy love... Question is that, how can i ignore them? And now, bach to the current issue, how can I catch up with my studies, real quick? My big, big, big important exam is in october... And I'm afraid I don't have much time..... I need help with my geography and history.... Need some good tips for my english essays... I was at number 10 during the previous mid term exam... *crying* I am now quite shy to show my face to my teachers... and some friends who look up to me... my science subject is slacking off a bit... Please help me.... FOR THOSE WHO IS IN A HURRY: READ HERE ---------------> Help me with these situations and issues please: 1. How can I catch up real quick for my studies? (approx. in 3 months time for an important exam for this year) 2. How can I deal with crushers, crushing on me?(I want to avoid them) 3. How can I handle my hypocrite, selfish and arrogant ex-bestfriend? 4. How can I gain confidence and self-esteem the right way? >>>excuse me if my english is a bit broken, as english is my second language at my country... I may not be so eloquent with it... thanks so much! a thumbs up for each motivational and supportive answer! (10 points for the best) :) thank you...

How would you like your hair to be? Long or short? and, if you don't mind answering this too... (p.s. any suggestions where i should classify this question where it willbe answered in a jiff?) My exam results are hovering up and down like waves in the sea... Any advises? Please help? FOR THOSE WHO POSSESSES THE GOLD AND CARING HEART TO HELP ME: (thank you so much) READ HERE ----> Okey, I had been joining and preoccupied with soo many things this year. Busy, busy, busy! I participated in competitions, public speaking, chess tournaments, volunteer works like helping my friends with their science projects and if you know, chasing KUMON (an education institute/centre) medals... So far, I've achieved some pretty amazing things and oohhh earning certificates and two trophies! (all thesein just a year) I just can't resist the temptations... aahhh.... the thought of certificates and stuff just fills me with joy and satisfaction... Is this an addiction??? Gosh.... Anyway, my exams this year are much more frequent, about once a month and I feel like I'm always left behind... I was the top two for both years as for my final exams. I was second at 2007 and first at 2008. Btw, i'm in high school... I joined some stuff too during those two years... like drama, and some other school competitions, and yes, KUMON too... I'm soo sorry if I sound like a braggy and boasting person here... ): I just want you helpful guys to understand my situation... I gotta admit I'm a girl who is a bit boring and is lacking some self esteem... All those certificates with my name printed on it just fills me with pride and it gives me confidence.... My friends are often kind to me but they don't really like or enjoy hanging out with me for too long.... I have an arrogant and selfish friend, who cares only for herself, to me and i think that she befriends me solely because i often open up oppurtunities for her to join competitions and things and because i was a good academic student, rather much.... So when things go bad for me she often backs away... She is never there for me when I need her most and often is heavy hearted to help me when I need her help.. She some times take credits for my works too.... She thinks she's all that... But I think she's quite horrid... Or is it just me from your perspective? So, in my class, I do have a few admirers oftenly I see secretly spying and staring at me - and I don't like it so very much, though I'm quite flattered... i believe this is what they call puppy love... Question is that, how can i ignore them? And now, bach to the current issue, how can I catch up with my studies, real quick? My big, big, big important exam is in october... And I'm afraid I don't have much time..... I need help with my geography and history.... Need some good tips for my english essays... I was at number 10 during the previous mid term exam... *crying* I am now quite shy to show my face to my teachers... and some friends who look up to me... my science subject is slacking off a bit... Please help me.... FOR THOSE WHO IS IN A HURRY: READ HERE ---------------> Help me with these situations and issues please: 1. How can I catch up real quick for my studies? (approx. in 3 months time for an important exam for this year) 2. How can I deal with crushers, crushing on me?(I want to avoid them) 3. How can I handle my hypocrite, selfish and arrogant ex-bestfriend? 4. How can I gain confidence and self-esteem the right way? >>>excuse me if my english is a bit broken, as english is my second language at my country... I may not be so eloquent with it... thanks so much! a thumbs up for each motivational and supportive answer! (10 points for the best) :) thank you...

therapist & psychologist, i need your opinion about my therapist and medical certificate? my sister asked my therapist to make a medical certificate so i can take my exams. im disappointed in medical certificate he made because the date was wrong and the paper (no comment). in short, it was not presentable. my teacher is doubting if is true that i was absent due to my depression because of certificate. he knows that it is important to me and had a lot experience in making certificate. i feel bad because my teacher thought, i just printed the paper and let someone to wrote and signed it. as a therapist, why he did it? what is his intention?

VB.NET 2005 Printing Help? I have this code to print some text: --- Private Sub frmPrint_Load... txtPrint.Text = strName & ", You Got " & intPerc & "Completed on " & Date.Today Try Dim printdoc As New PrintDocument AddHandler printdoc.PrintPage, AddressOf Me.printtext printdoc.Print() Catch ex As Exception MessageBox.Show("There is a problem printing, please check with your teacher", _ ex.ToString()) End Try MsgBox("Your certificate has been sent to the printer") Me.Close() frmResultHigh.Show() End Sub --- Private Sub printtext... ev.Graphics.DrawString(txtPrint.Text, New Font("Century Gothic", 24, FontStyle.Bold), Brushes.Black, 120, 120) ev.HasMorePages = False End Sub --- Is there any way to make the lines of text on different lines on the printout, as obviously it all comes out on the same line at the moment, and is there any way to insert a pic after the text e.g. --- Well Done Name Score PICTURE ---- Cheers

I Just Signed All Promissory Notes For My Student Loans, Am I Done Now? I have been working on getting student loans for this upcoming semester, for many, many months now. I have submitted what seems like an endless number of documents and signatures. I feel like they are going to ask me for my first grade teacher's birth certificate next. Anyway, the latest requirement message that I received from my university says that I need to sign promissory notes for all loans, which I just did (I did the MPN, I assume that counts). Does that mean I am done yet or will they want my neighbor's finger prints or my dog's rabies vaccine certificate next?

fashion design, fine arts, or photography. PLEASE ANSWER!? Hi. I'm a 15 year old girl. I don't know what I want to do yet in my life. I either want to: a- be an elementary school teacher. b- design fashion or just work for a fashion company/magazine as a contributor. c- travel the world and be a photographer. d- major in art in college and do art for the rest of my life. I love ALL of these things but I can't decide one what I want to do for the rest of my life. So I'm deciding to do a young adult certificate program at RISD to help me decide. My parents will pay for it so that's not an issue. But They offer a photography program, fashion design program, and what they call an "art school preperation" program. You complete 5 classes to get the certificate. The art school prep certificate is tons of different types art classes you can take to get the certificate. Fashion design we can take sewing and drawing and just different fashion classes. Photography we learn how to shoot, print, and touch up and just tons of other things. I really want to take classes this summer to give me an edge. I can only choose ONE and I love all of them. Can you help me decide? I love art and being creative but I also love the chic-ness of fashion. Photography is cool too. Can someone give me ideas on how to decide? I only have a few weeks left. A best answer will be chosen. Don't give me any stupid answers like "follow your heart." I love all of these types of art but I don't know which one would be most beneficial to me. I love fashion and I want a carrer in it, but art I have passion for. I just don't know if I want to go to a fashion school or a general art school. The art school preperation helps you make a portfolio for college. The fashion design focuses on sewing and drafting. But I don't like the sewing aspect of fashion, only the designing. Photography is a hobby for me and I love it a lot. HELP.

How to switch from a new career to a teaching career? I am a journalist in my first job since graduating from graduate school. I have a B.S. in Print Journalism and a M.S. in New Media. I've been in my current job at a newspaper since December and plan on staying for at least 3-4 years. I like my job, but I have this strong desire and urge to become a teacher. I would like to teach journalism at the college level or to become a english teacher at the elementary school level. Any ideas how I can accomplish this? What steps do I need to take? Do i have to go back and get a full degree or is there a licensure or certificate program i can do? I live in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia.

Which is the best career for myself? These are things that interest me: TV/Film actor, Print Journalism, Entertainment Lawyer, Dramatic Writing, Talent Agent, or Music Business. My dream ever since I was 5 was to act. It is my number 1 passion. I love it, and I'm a tv and film actor. I have to agents. I have one here in Atlanta and one in Nashville. The only thing is the rejection part. I don't like it, but I'm use to it. I just don't know how much longer I can wait for it to come true. I have got nothing yet. I was with Ford Models in ATL (before they were Arlene Wilson) for two years, but there gone now. I just signed with another agent, and the one in Nashville I haven't got anything. I'm a freshman in high school as of now. I don't like theatre that much, but maybe I will get back into it. I'm in it now in HS, and don't like it. I have always been told to have a back up plan for acting. My goal is to go to Bard College at Simon's Rock at 16 and then transfer to NYU or USC. I would get to graduate two years early, and get a AA also. I think I can get a NYC agent even though it is a couple hours away. I always wanted to go to NYU, but USC is in LA so more acting opportunities. I would double major at NYU in acting and journalism. I wouldn't at USC since there more theatre, but may minor. I would be a transfer student/junior. I also love to write, and would love to be a journalist. I think I would like working for Upfront Magazine, NY Times, Rolling Stone, Variety, and etc. I also think I may like foreign things too. I was looking at Columbia and Sciences Po dual journalism program for two masters degree later on which looks interesting. I have already wrote things, and I am planning on sending it in to newspapers or magazines. It could be a back up plan, but it is another passion of mine. A Entertainment Lawyer is something I would be interested in. I don't know how I would like it though. I would never want to be a Lawyer for things such as a murder trial. I can't go on trial and help someone who I know is guilty and is an ax murderer. I think it is different for an Entertainment Lawyer though. What kinds of things would I do? I do like to argue and persue people. It sounds very intresting to me. I also would like to do TV Writing,and write about tv shows. It does intrest me. I don't know if I would major in it, but NYU has a certificate program in it. I think later on I think I can own my own talent agency or maybe work for one when I'm in college. I know Columbia has a law and journalism dual degree, but I really like the Sciences Po one. Can I go to NYU's law after the two masters? How will I afford this. I'm more of the upper middle class with two other brothers. One who is a year older and wants to go into culinary. The other is 3 years younger and wants to be a pharmasist. I don't want to be in too much debt at a young age. I'm from South Florida, but now live in Metro Atlanta. I hate Georgia though. I grew up in the suburbs, and I am 14. I also make good grades, I may do a little worse this semester in math (C or D) because of a teacher problem. I usually get all A's and a B or two. I'm smart and mature. What do you think? What is your feedback? Thanks! I also want to do this thing for NYU for high school students in Dublin. It would be next year when I would go to Bard- SR. It's for acting, :). Thanks, again! I did not mean in that way. I have been acting since 5 so I know rejection. I love it and know it and am use to it. I just meant that this buisness is all about luck and I was saying I don't know when my day will be so I should have back up plans. I should have just rewrote...

What was ur last "WTF" moment? When was that? Funniest one gets best answer!? Well mine wasn't so funny. It was in this morning when I heard from my friend that our college professor has rejected our 200 marks worth project's documentation for one page mistake done by her. The format given for the certificate page wrong and we had spent 2 months working our project and getting it ready printed on deadline. I have already spent over 2k rupees for this documentation alone and now i gotta make it again. I was really pissed of when i heard its rejected coz of my teacher's mistake. What about u?

Anyone knows Lai Ma - the advice expert? Hi guys, I think she's funny. I wish I know her blogs. I received this sometimes ago. If you haven't read it, just take a break & have fun! Expert Advice – Ms Lai Ma and the STPM failures, Today's posting is mostly about students who have failed all STPM examination subjects and have to make some tough decisions on their future careers. The mainstream media had given much publicity to the 128 straight A students who experienced problems in getting places to study medicine in the local universities. But what about the miserable failures? There is no media publicity of any sort regarding their fate. They are humans as well, aren't they? (Note: Only their parents are allowed to say that they aren't.) If you cut them, do they not bleed? If you fail them, do they not cry? If you scold them, do they not say, "Fark you"? But not to worry. The 5Star is here! In the name of service to all segments of society, the nation's best newspaper has devoted a column to cater to the aspirations of the goof-offs and lazy bums who did badly in the STPM, and who are now unable to get a place in the university. Our 5Star columnist, Ms Lai Ma, former karaoke lounge singer (very famous one, hooiyoh) is here to answer questions from the affected students. ************************* Dear Lai Ma, I failed in all my STPM subjects. I blame no one but myself. I was always skipping classes. The whole school called me the "ponteng king". The teachers, prefects, gardeners, jagas, office peons and canteen staff would often see me loitering in the corridors and they would try to capture me. But I was always too fast for them, and easily evaded capture.Now that I've failed every subject, I do not know what to do. Don't ask me to repeat STPM again because I will surely die. Pontengarajah Dear Pontengarajah, We at the 5Star feel your pain. We feel your sorrow. We feel like kicking you in the butt for pontenging class. I think you have a problem with authority. But you also have the necessary skills to evade capture. The most logical career choice for you is to become a VCD seller. Easy job. But need to run sometimes. However, my talkcock editor tells me that we should not advise people to do things that are not right. So listen carefully. Selling is right. Running also right. But gettingcaught is not right. ********************* Dear Lai Ma, My dream in life is to become a crony. But I failed all my subjects in STPM. I now have no opportunity to go to the university to study how to become a crony. My life is over. My friends tell me that I should just kill myself. Should I listen to them? Wang Busat Dear Wang Busat, Oi........what kind of friends you have? And summore you call them "friends"? Not being able to get into the university is no reason to kill yourself. Besides, which university can teach you how to be a crony? If you want to be a crony, you must first learn how to bodek gahmen officials. The best place to learn is at the golf course. Take up a job as a caddy in a golf course. Then observe how businessmen bodek civil servants as they play golf. It is not as easy as you think. Businessmen must try not to win the game. The only way to do so is to purposely keep hitting the ball into the water. This is the way, mah. Every crony knows this by heart. Then only can get projects. Outside the golf course, you can see boys selling lots of golf balls fished out from the ponds. Why are so many people losing balls? So many people bodeking, that's why. After two or three years at the golf course, you should learn enough to become a bodek expert. After that, you can easily become a crony. Once you become a successful crony, you can go and to tell your present friends to go fark themselves. **************************************** Dear Lai Ma, All the universities rejected my application for entry. I can't understand why. I sent them a certificate that stated very clearly that my CGPA was 6.5. I know that all the other applicants have CGPA of less than 4.0. There is no good reason why the universities don't want to accept me. Why the world so farked up? Chin Tu Lan Dear Tu Lan, Ni na beh.......where got people obtain CGPA 6.5 one? Closed eyes also I know that you printed the certificate yourself! Wa lau eh, bullshit also don't know how to bullshit properly. I ought to come over and whack your thick head. But my talkcock editor said that we are a five star paper, and I must give you good advice. I told him to go fly kite. If everybody print their own certificates, then what for conduct examinations anymore? My advice to you is to stop printing nonsense. If you still want to further your studies, you can go and apply to get into the Lame Cock Wank Institute. They are always looking for creative students. After they finish laughing at your creative CGPA of 6.5, I am sure that they will accept you. *************************** Dear Lai Ma, I want to become duck. My STPM results got many 'A's but I not so like to go university. People say university graduates earn small money. I want have big big money. And fast. I so the very handsome and energetic. Supple orso. You think I can be good duck or not? Pelvic Elric Dear Pelvic, What kind of broken English are you talking? The proper word to Use is "gigolo", not "duck". To be a good gigolo you must have very polished and refined language skills. Rich lonely women don't just want action. They're lonely, not stupid. They want intelligent and stimulating conversation also. You talk one kind like that, how to get good business? I advise you to enroll in a university and study a proper course, like Mass Communications. And after you graduate, you should be able to speak like James Bond. Then you can introduce yourself in a sophisticated manner, like saying, "My name is Elric....Pelvic Elric. How do you do? And how you want to do?" When meeting prospective clients, you must show off your degree. Then only can command high price. Like that, mah!! Lame **** **** Institute = Lame C*o*c*k W*a*n*k Institute. (lol!) Hey Anderson & No_money, Alright, I'm more than glad you all like it! Bo_$$, ahah! that's a gd one! hey, tell us the link, ok! Hey guys, Thanks for the stars! I'd dedicate them all to Ms Lai Ma. Oh ya, I think she should marry Pua Chu kang!